The Home Despot

"I'm going to run down the street and go to Lowe's real quick." He grabbed the keys to the truck.

"Hold on, let me go with you," she said. "I want to get out of the house."

"I'm only going to be gone for 15 minutes. You don't need to come along for this," he said. But she already started getting the kids ready, packing up the baby gear.

By the time they got to Lowe's the kids had fallen asleep. "Look, you're going to have to stay with them now," he said, leaving the truck running with the a/c on.

"Fine," she said, "just don't take too long."

He spent an hour in the store. Just walking. Slowly, looking at pieces of wood. His wife called his cellphone like five times.

"What's taking so long? These kids woke up and they're screaming like crazy!"

"Well baby, shit happens. I'm over here talking to someone who's measuring out wood. It might take a while."

"What the hell!"

He hung up on her and browsed the aisles some more. Finally he came out drinking a Redbull.

"So how did it feel sitting in an enclosed space with two screaming kids for so long?" he said.

"You asshole! You only bought a Redbull?!"

"I didn't find any wood I liked. Listen, I told you not to come along."

"You did that on purpose!!"

"You know what? Damn right. Teach your ass a lesson."

She hit his head with the diaper bag. "Drive us home right now!"

"Naw, baby, now we're going to Home Depot."